Sorry seems to be the hardest word

My last post was initially titled “Win Our Happiness”. Friends say that “Anger Management” sounds more like it.

This is my writing ritual. Firstly, I download my thoughts. Secondly, I chew over what is written. Thirdly, I polish up my act.

Yes, anger is a bad word – bad for health, bad for relationship and bad for this planet.

Anger is bad for health because it disturbs our inner energy, elevates our stress and makes us easy prey for pathogens.

Anger is bad for relationship because it can lead to viciousness, vengeance and violence.

Anger is bad for this planet because the nuclear terrorists will one day push the anger button and blow up this planet.

When people are angry, they speak first and think later. When they unleash a word that hurts or humiliates, it is too late to grab it back and impossible to delete it from the recipient’s brain.

Of course, we can say sorry after the act. To do this, we need to have the capacity to humble ourselves and swallow our pride.

In one of my speeches, I said this:

“We can solve many a conflict if somebody is willing to say sorry. Unfortunately, everybody waits for somebody to say sorry, but nobody wants to make the first move because sorry seems to be the hardest word.”

Anger Battle

I was near the Central Market in Kuala Lumpur. It was a busy part of the city with a noisy and dirty bus stop, old shop houses, and a couple of big banks. A contrasting landscape.

Many years ago, I used to walk around this place without much worry about my personal safety.

A few days ago, I had a very different feeling about the place. I needed some cash so I went to one of the banks near the Central Market. As I stood at a traffic junction, I was surrounded by people of all colours and sizes. Many of them did not look like they were locals. As they crowded around me, I felt uneasy and clutched my handbag. I moved away and stood closer to the shops while waiting for the lights to change.

At the bank, there were three ATMs. I queued up at one of the machines. In front of me was a burly guy. Suddenly, one of the machines conked out. Some of the guys who waited at that machine came over and passed their ATM cards to the burly guy in front of me. They spoke in a foreign language. Each time the burly guy slotted a friend’s card into the machine, he turned and looked at me. It was not the look of apology or embarrassment. I read the look as “Too bad you’re behind me. So what if you’re a lady – I don’t care two hoots.”

As I waited, my patience began to wear thin. I wanted to snap at him. Then, I decided to hold my tongue. I began to think. I was facing an anger battle. I asked myself, "Do I want to win or do I want to lose this battle? Do I win if I lose my cool and scold him? Do I win if he gets angry and targets me outside the bank?"

I believe I can win every anger battle if I practise more patience and compassion. If I am aware that there are people who are unaware of their actions, I will not get angry so quickly. Just as I wanted to get my cash quickly, I should understand that those foreign guys at the bank probably wanted their money in a hurry as well.

So, when I win an anger battle, what do I actually win? I win my own happiness. When I walked away from the bank, I was the same happy person who walked into the bank.

In today’s world where people of different cultures and nationalities are thrown together, it is up to us to win our own happiness in every anger battle of our lives.

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A World of Paranoia

The recent robbery has turned me into a paranoid nut.

It was dusk and I was driving along a lonely street in a residential area. I looked into the rear mirror and saw a motorcyclist behind me. He picked up speed and began to overtake me. My brain sent out a red alert and steered my body into fight or flight position.

As the motorcyclist passed me, he glanced at me. Then, he stopped at the side of the road. I hit the panic button. I stepped on the accelerator and swerved my car to the middle of the road. As I passed him, our eyes met. He had a strange look in his face. Then, he turned and walked into the house.

Goodness gracious, he lives there??!! If he does, my bizarre behaviour must have shocked him as much as he had scared the daylights out of me.

I remember a very different time when paranoia was not in my vocabulary. I was in secondary school. After every volleyball practice, I would ride the bus home. When I got off the bus, it would be past 8pm. I had to walk past a dark sawmill with logs piled up high on both sides of the road. Wearing my T-shirt and shorts, I had always reached home safely.

Sadly, today, children do not have the freedom to do what I had done without facing danger or even death. They can’t even walk to the crowded and brightly-lit night market without the fear of being abducted, abused, tortured and murdered.

Yes, the world has changed. But, has it changed for the better? In today’s world of scientific magic and technological wizardry, are we better off?

If I could live my life again, I don’t want to go into space or walk on the moon. What I want to do is to ride the bus, walk past a dark sawmill and reach home in one piece.